Novelty

If anyone a. reads this and b. pays any attention, you know that I like to name my posts after semi-obscure songs I listen to. I've been waiting to find a parallel for this song for a long time...so long that it's possible I've already done one and forgot about it. Like always, the Bengals helped me out.

(Here is the song.)

I love this song not because it's depressing but because it tries to confront your deepest insecurities without being defeatist. Joy Division is not known for being easily heard lyrically so I'll help you out on that front.

Can't rest on your laurels now...when you got none.

There hasn't been a Bengals team in recent history that has responded well to success or praise. A lot of analysts (including myself) has pointed out the obvious talents that this team possesses and predicted great things for them. I still think the Bengals will make the playoffs.

This team has flaws. Obviously. I'm not sure there was a better team than the Patriots to put these flaws on display and I think that's positive for the first game.

You're on your own now, don't you think that it's a shame. 'Cause you're the only one responsible to take the blame.

I ask you this: Does anyone remember the 2006 season? The Bengals had a terrible defense but the offensive talent to be an easy playoff team. The first three games were two bad teams (Chiefs and Browns) and a squeaker win against the Steelers. They then started losing games in such odd ways...all the losses being explained away by bad luck until the team just fell apart and it took them three years to pick up the pieces.

After this game, all of the Bengals' mistakes are on one game film. I think that Mike Zimmer is a good coach. If this defense is capable of learning, it will be better next week. No part of this game can be chalked up to bad luck or a bad long snapper or bad referees. They lost because of how they played (and how the Patriots played).

What I'm not sure about is whether or not they are figuring out where T.O. fits in their circle. The idea that T.O. and Chad are "Batman and Robin" is insane and the idea that T.O. would be Batman in that scenario is even more insane. Ochocinco is still the main man as far as receivers go on this team and running and defense are more important the wide receivers AAAAND...Jordan Shipley and Jermaine Gresham are SIGNIFICANT options when T-Ocho isn't open.

I know those two space cadets are happy to be together, but the question for them and the entire Bengals team is...take it away, Ian Curtis!!

Whatch'ya gonna do when the novelty is gone?

Welcome Back, NFL

The best sport ever invented by man will return soon so instead of enjoying it let me make some predictions that I will later regret.

AFC North

The AFC North (formerly the AFC Central) is slowly returning to it's glory of some tough mid western teams, all good, who just beat the shit out of each other. Even the Bengals are tough these days. In today's AFC North, the most finesse type team is actually the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Steelers are a passing team, they run trick plays, they don't have a good offensive line. Even Troy Polamalu, who does hit hard, is one of the trickiest defensive players ever. Maybe I'm just too close to this situation but like everything in the mid west, there are a lot of national misconceptions in my opinion.

1. The Steelers are a blue-collar hard-nosed football team.

This just hasn't been true for years. It really hasn't been true since they got Ben Roethlisberger.

2. The Browns are horrible.

Bad? Sure. But horrible? I'm not sure.

The defense is pretty mediocre and most of the "skill positions" are pretty bad and Jake Delhomme has his problems. But Delhomme is not an idiot and he did go to a Super Bowl and, most importantly, their offensive line is well above average. They'll win a few.

3. Joe Flacco is really good.

Joe Flacco is just about exactly average as a quarterback and he is certainly not as good as Carson Palmer. I still don't think he's as good as Troy Smith. I have never seen him make a play that I was impressed by and, in a cold-weather playoff game against a good defense, do you have any faith he can pick up a 3rd and 9? I know that I don't.

4. The Ravens have a great defense.

They don't.

This whole division is based on misconceptions. Even though the Bengals have the most talent of any team, most people have them behind the Ravens and even with the Steelers. For obvious reasons, we instinctively trust the Steelers and don't trust the Bengals even though the Steelers blew game after game last year to miss the playoffs and their quarterback is essentially a rapist.

The Bengals seem chaotic because of all the ex-convicts they employ and because of Chad Ochocinco and T.O. Quietly, none of those guys are captains. Carson Palmer and Bobbie Williams are the offensive captains, not Chad. Yes, this team has characters, but Carson Palmer, Mike Zimmer and Cedric Benson are great stabilizers. All I am saying is give peace a chance...I mean the Bengals a chance.

Prediction:

1. Bengals (Playoffs)
2. Ravens
3. Steelers
4. Browns

AFC East

Another good division with one sad situation.

I like to pick against the team with the most hype but I think they're the best team.

Prediction:

1. Jets (Playoffs)
2. Dolphins (Playoffs)
3. Patriots
4. Bills

AFC South

I don't like this division. Little gay.

1. Colts (Playoffs)
2. Titans (Playoffs)
3. Texans
4. Jaguars

AFC West

Ouch.

1. Chargers (Playoffs)
2. Raiders
3. Broncos
4. Chiefs

NFC North

I'm so annoyed by the Aaron Rodgers love fest I could puke. It's extra annoying because I liked him anyway (he once had a mustache) but he's not as good as Brett Favre after two years and zero playoffs wins. Being a great quarterback doesn't really have that much to do with your quarterback rating. That's all I'm going to say.

Prediction:

1. Packers (Playoffs)
2. Vikings (Playoffs)
3. Bears
4. Lions

NFC East

Kevin Kolb is not good until he wins games. Looking good in the preseason (which I don't think he did anyway) isn't incredibly important. He will absolutely be a downgrade from Donovan McNabb, write it down.

Tony Romo sucks.

Prediction:

1. Giants (Playoffs)
2. Eagles
3. Redskins
4. Cowboys

NFC South

The Saints had one of the luckiest seasons I've ever seen in my life last year (even though the onside kick in the Super Bowl deserves a tip of such a large cap it probably would crush the person wearing it). 400 interceptions for touchdowns cannot happen twice in a row (did anyone watch the Bengals in 2006?).

Prediction:
1. Falcons (Playoffs)
2. Saints (Playoffs)
3. Buccanears
4. Panthers

NFC West

Gross.

Prediction:

1. 49ers (Playoffs)
2. Cardinals
3. Rams
4. Seahawks

In closing: Go Bengals!!!