I've decided to change my approach to my season "previews" from picking each division with a small explanation to just my general thoughts about the league and specific teams. This is for a few reasons: 1. This is the way I think and I've found that I don't really have any thoughts on many teams, 2. The other way is super boring, and 3. I'm awful at picking things when I have to do them in mass quantities because I lose interest and often one of my theories accounts for several of my picks and if it's wrong, I miss like 6 picks and I'm not even close. (Example here: I thought that some of these NFL teams who had good defenses but horrible offenses were going to be too inept on the offensive end this year to even move the ball and therefore be in last place...The Bears, Titans, and Ravens...and none of them look bad at all.) I'll find some way to break up my thoughts, but it won't be by division...let's see what we get!!
The Incumbents
The Celtics, Lakers, and Hornets. These are the teams people are talking about, and if I had to guess, none of these teams are making it to the finals (of course I'm gonna say that).
There's just no way The Celtics win another title, no way. After being the recipient of the first "Get out of douche free card" for his performance in the NBA Finals, Paul Pierce almost made me forget that his picture used to be hanging on the Team Doucheman Hall of Fame. Then I see him, and hear him say things and I'm like, "Oh yeah, this guy is a huge turd." Kevin Garnett, although a nice guy, not only isn't clutch, he freaks out in big situations. I like him, but I don't get the love fest with him. Weird faces and chest pounding do not equal intensity and competitiveness. He is not the most competitive player in the league, it's not even close. The Celtics won the title last year almost in spite of him. Ray Allen had a great finals...a GREAT finals...but wasn't he being guarded by possibly the only person in the league who he can take off the dribble? On the fateful "Crying Play" in Game 4, he probably went up to The Doc and said, "I know I've never said this before but...I think I can take this guy." In short, this team is less hungry, in a better division, older, and lacking James Posey and, yes, P.J. Brown (if they didn't have either of those two players, they don't get past Cleveland). If they get The Cavs this year in the playoffs, they will get CRUSHED...I'm not even worried.
Not getting Ron Artest was a mistake for the Lakeshow. I know he's crazy, but you would really rather have Lamar Odom over Artest? Phil Jackson has handled psychos before (Rodman) and it has gone WELL. Personally, I would rather have my small forward have mental problems than menstrual cycles. It seems like they'll continue to be out-toughed if they are counting on Bynum to change their girliness quotient. They are also still working off the misconception that Kobe Bryant is a player who is able to carry a team on his back. You can't work on misconceptions when you're trying to win a championship.
I have nothing against the Hornets, in fact, I really love them. It just doesn't seem like they realize they are better than The Lakers or Spurs yet. They were SO much better than San Antonio last year and they lost because they forgot they were better.
The Bankables
The Spurs, The Pistons, The 76ers, The Magic, The Jazz, The Suns, and The Mavericks. These teams really seem like they're gonna be "involved" so to speak and I like them to varying degrees.
Either Phoenix or Dallas is not making the playoffs this year. I'm probably wrong about this, but these two teams, as we know them, are so done. The Jason Kidd Mavs was such a stupid idea and everything Josh Howard does could be described similarly. Running Steve Nash ragged, like The Suns are doing these days, is going to lead to a "Weekend and Bernie's" situation if he doesn't retire soon (or get traded to a contender to be what I will like to call, the "fun-time party" guard off the bench and play 15 minutes a game). I don't see who The Suns can beat in The West really, and I don't mean in a playoff series, I mean in any regular season game. I don't even know who they are anymore.
The Eastern Conference """"Contenders"""" are Philly, Detroit and Orlando (I put four pairs of quotes around the word "contenders" to show how un-serious I am about it). I guess I have nothing against those teams, they will all be pretty good. Philly and Detroit are similar because I think they will both be dangerous as "young blood" teams, which is weird to say about Detroit, but I think they'll start going to their young guys because it's for the best as far as I can see. I just don't think either of them has what it takes in the playoffs yet. As for Orlando, if you lose a series and say you were the better team, you so obviously don't have what it takes, you might as well be contracted (I'm looking at you, Wade Phillips).
The Spurs and The Other Spurs. White people love these teams, as they should. Utah has been a white oasis in the NBA for quite a while, which just makes The Jazz the funniest name possible. I'm not even sure that all their players aren't Mormon. And they drafted Kosta Koufos...he could NOT have gone anywhere else. At first, I thought, "This guy is gonna be terrible in the NBA." Then, when he got drafted by Utah, I was like, "Oh, he'll fit there." My roommate loves The Jazz (he's white) and I love Deron Williams but I do not even like Carlos Boozer. He can bully bums in the regular season, but he looks awful in the playoffs.
By the way, Chip Carey announcing the ALCS has used the word "fisted" about 11 times since I've been watching and at 1:33 AM, it is hilarious.
The Spurs are a study in the life cycle of a good team. They have no shot at the title at this point. San Antonio got the maximum payout out of the Tim Duncan Era and they should be proud (other than Phil Jackson totally having his number in a weird way, Greg Popovic is maybe the best coach I've ever seen). This is now Manu's and Tony Parker-Longoria's team, not Duncan's. This means, they'll be really good (still), but without your Man being a guy with guaranteed points, you are not as good. Let me explain further:
Their go-to guys now are a tiny Frenchman and a freelancing goofball named "Ginobili." These guys are great, but the way they get their points is no sure thing. When they were just supporters of Duncan, they could do their crazy shit and that's all they had to do as Tim Duncan played his old standards. Now, with Duncan aging, the roles are reversed.
Interesting note: this is what should have happened to the Kobe/Shaq Lakers. When they were winning titles, it was Shaq's team and nobody can deny that. Kobe was Kobe, taking questionable shots at which he was oddly proficient and it was OK because you could always just feed the daddy if things got tough (or let Horry hit a game-winner). If Kobe would have just waited his turn, it would have become his team, he just didn't realize it. Shaq was older than him and he couldn't carry the team forever. Kobe is a smart guy, can he not do math? The rub lies in the fact that a team run by a great guard is not as good as a team run by a Hall of Fame post player. The end result is still being good, just no championship.
Special Note: Michael Jordan is a different animal entirely, in case you're wondering.
My Teams
Rockets, Trail Blazers, and Cavaliers. Things could go wrong with all of these guys, but they're what I would want if I were a GM or coach.
If a propohet told me Houston would be healthy the whole season they would be my pick to win it all. I think with those three players (McGrady, Yao, Artest), they would destroy LA in a 7 game series (well...six game series...it's not going seven). It's a shame the probability of all three of them being healthy come playoff time is about 30% and if they are missing just one, they probably aren't doing it. On a lighter note, how good is that defense?? I just love the way The Rockets play, they just seem snake bit and it's frustrating. (As a fan of the Cavs, this is the only team I'm really afraid of in a 7 game series).
Everyone loves the Blazers, but nobody has the guts to pick them to win anything. This includes me, of course, but I'm contemplating making the bet that they will be a top three seed in The West with my roommate. Whenever someone gives you the "teams just don't go from .500 to first in The West" bullshit, just remember this: The Lakers and Hornets weren't really considered good teams the season before last and nobody really saw either of those teams as top contenders in The West preseason. So get outta here. I think it might even be more common to have one "over the hump" season than slowly building at a constant rate. The point is, this team already has great chemistry, great young players and a good coach and they just keep adding more young and good players. If you visualize "chemistry" as an actual chemistry experiment and good guy players are chemicals that react to each other, it seems like the city of Portland is just going to explode. What the hell am I talking about? It's 2:00 AM. We gotta wrap this up.
The Cavaliers. What an odd team. Nobody gives them any respect, but then everyone is afraid of them (in the playoffs). I think the latter is the way they should be viewed. LeBron is the best player we've seen since Jordan retired, second only to MAYBE The Shaq Diesel in his prime. Everyone talks about how if you take LeBron away, The Cavs are probably a 12 win team, which is true...but is this a bad thing? All of these guys know just about one thing at this point: how to play with LeBron James, and they're pretty good at it. I think that is why everybody hates them so much, because they keep getting beat by a team full of scrubs. The trust in LeBron making the right call on every play is so great in Mike Brown (and me) that I don't know if his supporting cast should be that good. I want tons of pieces that suit LeBron and have him bend him to his will. The worst thing The Cavs could have is a guy who would even think about questioning LeBron's supremacy on the team and who isn't fully "on board (Larry Hughes)." You end up with almost an inbred vibe where if you take one player from Cleveland who is pivotal in his role and put him on another team, he is probably useless.
Enough with my groggy analysis of the team I watch the most. My only prediction is that Boston is in for a thrashing. Once LeBron smells blood, you're dead. DEAD. I think Philidelphia or Detroit could give Cleveland a series (if Detroits young guys take over the team by the end of the year), but The Cavs REALLY should win The East. I'm a little worried about the Olympic Hangover, but not too much. I'd almost give him the first month off (probably not).
The Rest
Who cares? This is why didn't go by divisions.
It's the time of night where I see mice walking, not running, across the floor like they own the place. Here's my Finals call and I'm outta here:
Houston over Cleveland in 7
