...with a potential delayed John Glenn appearance.
One night a little over a year ago, my brother's roommate walked into his apartment drunker than I've ever seen him. He could barely get out a sentence and eventually just ended the "conversation" by saying, "I'm fuckin' done," and went to sleep. But before he left, the one and only sentence he could could clearly get out was this as we watched late night sports center: "I love the Shaq Diesel." Love or hate this deal, that fact still remains.
Per usual, nobody seems to understand this deal correctly. Not to be a pompous gasbag, but I'm going to try to explain a couple misconceptions I feel exist about it.
1. Shaq is "injury prone."
Disagree...
at least as far as giant 7-footers are concerned.
I heard GM Daryl Morey on the BS Report say that Yao is the only proportional 7-6 guy in the world. Again, I disagree. If he was proportional, wouldn't his feet hold together for a whole season? A seven-footer should look like Shaq. This is how I explained it to my sister:
Most seven-foot Centers look like a normal person if you put them on Microsoft Word and stretched them upwards (I hope you know what I'm talking about or this won't make any sense). But, if you put an NFL Tight End or Running Back on Microsoft Word and grabbed the CORNER tool and stretched it would look like Shaq. Point being, of course it is difficult to maintain a giant body over an NBA season (or even at all), but the Shaq Diesel is such a shockingly good athlete, I have no doubts he would play in the NBA (or NFL) if he were a whole foot shorter. The Big Smokestack (throwin' it out there) skips regular season games because they are irrelevant to him and borderline irresponsible for him to play in if they don't matter. When he is motivated, he wins.
Shaq isn't injury prone, he's lazy prone.
2. Shaquille alone isn't going to bring Cleveland a title (and that somehow matters).
Well, of course not.
Every time the Cavaliers make a trade, the world judges the deal in this way: "Is (Insert Name of Guy Just Traded For) going to be LeBron James' sidekick for a title run?"
First of all, let's debunk the myth that the best way to win a Championship is to have two stars and a bunch of role players. I'm not sure that has really ever happened other than with Jordan/Pippen and Kobe/Shaq. Nowadays we are all shocked when a complete team wins a title, and every time a new way to win comes up, we think that is the new way to do it. Now what, you need a "big three" instead of a "Batman and Robin?" There is more than one way to win a Championship so stop trying to figure it out unless you're REALLY trying to figure it out.
But back to the perplexing media.
They even did this with the Wally/Wallace/West/Smith trade. ESPN speculated about whether Ben Wallace was going to be LeBron's "Robin." Are you kidding me?? Ben Wallace???? What a shockingly awesome development that Delonte West has been the most consistently helpful performer in that trade. I love that guy.
Again, back on topic...
They did it with Mo Williams (a great piece and a great trade, but obviously not a Pippen-caliber player or even a Ray Allen caliber player) and now they're doing it with Shaq. They think the Cavs think that Shaq is 30-year old Shaq...and they're wrong. We all watched Shaq last year. He's a fringe All Star and his stats are maybe even a product of his situation. But he's still Shaq, and I mean that in this way and this way only:
I do not mean that, "Hey, maybe he'll just dominate out of nowhere like he used to!" I mean that he is the gregarious no bullshit teammate who loves winning and works hard when it is prudent to do so. He also loves LeBron (who wouldn't? ...and has LeBron ever played with a teammate who really commands any respect at all? Not really) and (I can't believe that Stu Scott is the only one I heard mention this) he is probably the best big man passer in the game still. Given what we gave up, how is this not a great move? GREAT move.
Oh yeah, back on topic...
Shaq is not the beginning and end of this off season (and clearly neither is the draft, which we'll get to). From what inside information I have (which is literally none, this is a total guess), this should be one of the most entertaining off seasons in history for Cleveland anything fans.
Here is a combination of crazy facts:
- The economy sucks.
Not a lot of people want to spend money and a lot of people are desperate and free agents will sign for way WAY less than they would have a few years ago. This is what that fact means.
- The Cavs don't care.
Somehow, Cleveland isn't that concerned with this. So, a team that needs a lot of pieces is dealing with teams that need money and don't even want pieces and a free agent market that will be full of guys that are cheaper than normal is what we have. Why are they willing to spend? Because paying tens of millions of dollars in the luxury tax is much much better than losing LeBron ever. Literally anything is better than losing LeBron. If LeBron leaves, I'm not sure the Cavaliers don't get relocated within the hour.
The point of all this is that the Cavs are nowhere near a complete team, and that doesn't mean re-signing Wally Szczerbiak. They will use their Mid-level and Bi-annual exceptions even though they are over the cap and they'll be able to get weirdly good players for those prices because of the economy. At least, I hope so. The one place they seem to be looking to save money is in the draft.
Oh yeah, the draft.
I haven't watched that many drafts that closely, but I've never seen a funnier pick than Cleveland's 30th pick on Thursday Night. David Stern looked rattled. I was rattled. I guess they saved money drafting this kid FROM THE D LEAGUE OF SPAIN but it was still bizarre. I can try to rationalize that pick all I want, but I think that Danny Ferry just isn't very good at drafting. It's funny how GMs can have strengths and weaknesses in their games just like players, but it seems true. I have loved the trades Ferry has made in the past two-and-a-half years and he has been negotiating contracts like this guy, but man, I think he should hand the draft responsibilities to somebody else...I nominate LeBron (seriously). I'm totally fine with the Danny Green pick actually, but Cleveland really just didn't look that interested in this draft, leading me to believe that they have their minds on bigger things (I have to believe that).
I was originally (like two weeks ago) going to write what I thought about EVERY PICK but that seems ridiculous at this point (Glenn might do it). I'm just going to say who I liked and didn't like (like every other writer in the universe).
(Before I do this, I'd like to point out to everyone that ESPN.com has abbreviated "Wimbledon" as "Wimby" on their front page and I think it's hilarious.)
Things I liked:
I really liked what New Jersey did. They drafted a fantastic goofball and a sleeper really really good player. They also traded Goofball Jones, also known as Vince Carter, for Courtney Lee and a bunch of shit. I like it.
I actually hate what San Antonio did, but it's because it's smart and I hate how smart they are so I have to put it here. DeJuan Blair in the second round??? Trading three players who might as well all change their names to "Jack Shit???" Ughh, so smart...yet so simple. It's like they have Obiwan Kenobi as their GM ("You don't want to take DeJuan Blair, he's too fat," "We don't want DeJuan Blair, he's too fat").
I didn't mind the T Wolves' actions on Thursday. They took people they liked...why not? So what if they're all point guards?? Well, they'll probably have to trade almost all of them, but what they'll end up with is whatever they get for Rubio (which could be significant) and maybe what they get for Calathes, and they're left with Johnny Flynn and Wayne Ellington. That's great!! Also, on a side note, I liked Ty Lawson for Denver. Solid.
Now that I think about it, everyone the Wolves took was on my "I like these guys" list. WTF?!?!!!??!
I also don't hate what the Bucks did for some reason. Brandon Jennings amuses the hell out of me and Jodie Meeks is at least interesting. Let's see how those two pan out.
Disappointments:
I really dislike what Memphis did. Thabeet is very likely garbage. I liked Demarre Carroll, but not in the first round! Sheesh. They got decent value for Sam Young in the second round, but I still don't think he's very good. It's very possible that Memphis could walk out of a draft in which they had three picks with zero good players. Nice.
Sacramento and Toronto wasted their picks.
Just for the sake of disagreeing with a future Glenn post, I don't really love what Indiana did. Sure, you know what you're getting with Hansbrough, but what is it? A back up Power Forward? I guess that's fine, but Indiana kind of needed a point guard. I really wouldn't mind being proven wrong about Psycho-T though, I kind of like him.
Alright Glenn, Rob and Bowl, you all better write stuff on this.
(Quote of the year: In Transformers 2, after we find out the creepy slutty girl is a transformer, "That girl's a lot hotter now that she's a big metal weirdass." --Rob)
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