The Matchup

The Steelers

The personality of the Steelers has is just like any really well run organization (because they are one).

They have their figureheads. Big Ben, Hines Ward and Palumalu take most of the questions. They have their young talents in Mike Wallace and Rashard Mendenhall (who take on more of the offensive load and are far more talented than Hines Ward). And finally, they have their mean guys. I don't know if you'd call them "the warehouse" or "the hitmen," but James Harrison embodies this type of guy. James Harrison makes everyone fear the Steelers, gives them their personality, makes huge plays, but never has to say anything. The guys who like being in front of the camera get the praise funnelled their way and the guys who don't can just do their jobs. A well run organization.

More specifically and perhaps more subjectively, the Steelers are a team of junk.

They want turnovers, they want the play to break down. You would assume a team like the Steelers would have fantastic infrastructure if they're so "well run," but they have such a sucky offensive line. It seems puzzling but the fact is, Ben Roethlisberger doesn't mind having minimal protection. It seems like they're coached in such a way that if they can't give Ben the classic "pocket" for the classic amount of time, just give him some holes to maneuver and he'll figure something out. For a team that the national narrative is that they love to grind out wins with tough, solid defense and a great running game, they secretly are based on big plays on both sides of the ball.

How do you beat them? Well, it's hard and it's easy.

First and foremost, you have to break out of the mental prison that you start every game in. You're playing against a team owned by Dan Rooney, but what seems to have Roger Gooddell as its vice president. The Steelers are NFL royalty at this point but again, they're mean, dirty and full of tricks. You have to get over this strange combination of facts before you can start thinking about beating them. The hard part.

On offense, duh. Don't turn the ball over, EVER. No fumbling. No picks. The Packers are good enough to score in the upper 20s to low 30s on the Steelers based on their own merits, they don't have to go outside themselves so there's no reason to turn the ball over. That OF COURSE doesn't mean they won't.

On defense, it's a little weird but obvious if you think about it.

Analysts talk about, "You gotta get Big Ben on the ground." Well, duh. But that's hard. That's why it never happens. On TV, it looks like the defensive players falling off of Big Ben are just terrible, but they're not. Tackling Big Ben is one of the hardest things in football, apparently. That's like telling a basketball team, "We gotta make every single three we take or we're gonna lose." Of course, taking advantage of your opportunities is key, but some are harder than others and nobody makes you pay more after avoiding a sack than Ben Roethlisberger.

What you need to do is choose your blitzes carefully. The defensive line has to play as a team and slowly close the pocket in around him. KEEP HIM IN THE POCKET BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE THAT. The safest sack on him is the type where the O-line gets pushed into the quarterback and he basically gets sacked by his own guys. You know the type I'm talking about?

To beat the Steelers, you have to keep chaos out of the equation.

Good luck.

The Packers

All season long the Packers (and Aaron Rodgers) have been the good guys and I've been trying to figure out why I am so neutral towards them as far as rooting goes and the answer came to me when I saw Rodgers' press conference.

The personality this team has is one of a Christian Youth Group. That's not a bad thing, of course. I really like Aaron Rodgers and Greg Jennings and a lot of their players, it's just like a movie where I can't relate to any of the characters. I just thought that was interesting.

So how does that translate onto the field?

Well, they're perfect. The Packers are great at every part of football. The quarterback has a catchy and uplifting yet not cocky celebration he does after every touchdown. Actually, Rodgers seems to be holding back his inner goofiness at all times on the field. He's so springy and his arm is so quick, I would almost argue that his arm strength is as much based on pure bottled excitement than it is on physical tools. These guys do everything the right way and nobody is misunderstood which is probably why I can't relate.

By the way, it's completely ridiculous that they lost six games. It's really hard to say how it happened. If we're going to use revisionist tactics to analyze why things during the season happen, I would argue that this religious nice-guy persona robs them of a throat-stomping play style that you often times need to win the Super Bowl. For example, I don't think they the Packers would have thrown the ball on the two late downs against the Jets two weeks ago and they may have lost that game. The way you beat the Packers is hope they don't fulfill their potential and let you back into the game like they did to the Eagles AND Bears. The Falcons game could have been close if not for that pick-six at the end of the first half. Just a reminder.

The Pick

Based on the personalities that I profiled, who wins?

The Steelers beat you up, trick you, imasculate you and then make fun of you. They create self doubt and shame in the teams they play (and for the record, the fans of the teams they play).

That won't work against the Packers. If the Packers' collectively have the personality of believing in a higher power, they don't need the approval of the public and they don't feel the burden of having to be the ones to dish out retribution on Big Ben (who deserves it). The Packers can just play the game and be the better team.

To clarify, if anyone is picking this game based on my picks, they are insane. I'm making conclusions based on other conclusions, all of which I invented...but I gotta pick someone.

Green Bay sends the Steelers packing:

27-13