NFL Playoffs: Round Two

Just because I only predicted one games out of four correctly last weekend doesn't mean I've lost the ability to analyze those games and act as if I completely understand what occurred in those games. Let's get to it.



Key play in the Seattle game:



On the first New Orleans drive, they kicked a field goal from approximately the 10 yard line. The Saints did this because Reggie Bush dropped one of the easiest possible catches on third down and short. They ended up losing by that four points (plus the missed two-point conversion which gives us the five point difference), but that's not why it was so important. It was important because WHY DID YOU DROP THAT?!?! The Saints didn't take the crowd and the Seahawks' confidence out of the game when they had the chance. This is an oversimplification and really, there's no real reason the Seahawks should have won. They're bad. Let's see what happens moving forward.



The Ravens/Chiefs game happened EXACTLY AS I PREDICTED so let's just move on, shall we?



I'd like to go on the record as saying that I think both losing quarterbacks in the two close games played really really well.

The problem with the Colts in the playoffs isn't usually Peyton Manning choking (in my opinion). Their coaches have consistently laid down their hand in week 1. "We think Peyton Manning can win us the Super Bowl by himself and we will not try anything risky or creative." That doesn't win in the playoffs unless you're playing against Rex Grossman.

Michael Vick, after his final interception, said something about "going down swinging." I love that. Nobody else who recently got out of prison would talk about "going down swinging" in the press conference. They would all give us the bullshit about being thankful for being able to compete again or whatever. Vick was talking about the game and he took a smart risk because he's a man. PROFANITY ALERT: Fuck spiking the ball. I'm a Michael Vick guy.

Picks.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh
4:30 pm, Saturday

These two teams are so unique in that you WANT to punt. The team that punts the most will probably win. If Kansas City would have punted instead of turning it over, they would have had a chance. I knew Matt Cassell was going to do what he was going to do. I'm awesome.

Ben Roethlisberger refuses to play quarterback they way you're supposed to. If it's ones of those pass plays that's not, "Hey, we're going deep," or, "hey, it's a slant/screen pass," he is going to wait until the play breaks down before throwing the ball EVERY TIME. That works against most teams most of the time because his receivers have figured out that the way to get the ball in this offense is to be great at changing your route when the play breaks down. Also, "Big Ben" is perfect at dodging rushers without being very fast. Nowadays their offensive line is really bad and playing that way is really dangerous, especially against the Ravenous Ravenous Ravens. But hey, who knows?

Ravens over Steelers
13-6

Green Bay at Atlanta
8:00 pm, Saturday

A battle between two teams who are trying to take over. There aren't really any reasons these teams would be WORSE next season. Most things have gone right for the Falcons so far and most things have actually gone wrong for the Pack Attack...but they're still around and very very dangerous.

The only thing I don't like about the Packers is that America loves them so much. Aaron Rodgers is better than Matt Ryan.

Packers over Falcons
31-24

Seattle at Chicago
1:00 pm, Sunday

The key to this game is this:

America has swung in favor of the Seahawks. That's it.

If this game goes the way I think it might, Matt Hasselbeck's career is in jeopardy by 2:30 pm Sunday afternoon.

Bears over Seahawks
27-0

New York Jets at New England
4:30 pm, Sunday

I know this doesn't make any sense, but this is the biggest game of the weekend.

There is a way the Jets can win this game (they've beaten Bradichick earlier this year for God's sake!!). Here's a dork-ass reference, but you'll get what I'm saying even if you're not one.

I played this game called Dragon Age: Origins. At one point, you encounter a "sloth demon" who puts you to sleep and you have to do all these things in your own dreams to get out of this dream. This ends up being a pretty big chunk of the game.

That is what Belichick and Brady do to you. They put you in a nightmare that you have to fight against as well as playing the actual game and once you wake up, the game's over and you lost by 42. You can't get caught up in this if you want to beat them. Here's what I would do.

On defense, the Jets need to create any kind of chaos. I don't care if it allows Brady to throw a deep ball touchdown more than once. The short passing game is the bad dream. Don't fall asleep.

On offense? Straight ahead. The Jets' offense is stronger than the Patriots defense. Don't run a single play that relies on fooling anybody. You're not smarter than the Patriots but the way that you can be smarter is by knowing you're not smarter.

Can the Jets execute this plan?

Yes.

Jets over Patriots
21-20