The Most Important Written Words on LeBron James and Life. Ever.

Editor's note: This is guest blogger and Buddies roommate John Glenn. The opinions expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect the views of Buddies himself. In fact, Buddies has not even proofread this in any way which is customary to what he does with his own posts. Enjoy.

WTF ‘Bron?

This is the most important moment in the career of the most important athlete of my sports life. I believe in sports and sports alone. I’m deeply affected by the LeBacle.

“That’s why they play the games.” You play the games to know facts rather than guess. I don’t know anything anymore. My beliefs are shaken.

A wise man once screamed “THEY WERE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE!!!” I have screamed to myself the exact opposite sentiment countless times this series. I thought the Cavs were good. I thought they would play with energy, especially on the defensive end. I thought they were happy. I thought the Celtics were old. I thought they loved to crumble too early. I thought their horribly annoying attitude would make them look foolish against a vastly superior opponent.

Wrong. Wrong, Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. I’m shocked by everything that has occurred in this series. I’m scrambling to make up answers to questions I now have.

This is somebody’s fault. WHO DO I BLAME?

Boston? Boston’s good?

This is not true.

Mike Brown?

I feel bad for Mike Brown. I was always under the impression that he was there to develop an elite defensive scheme and stay out of LeBron’s way. Considering his only tasks, I don’t blame Mike Brown.

Motivation is not MB’s job. Motivation is in the job description for the projects Scott Skiles and Larry Brown undertake. Mike Brown coaches under the assumption that title contention is motivation enough. His schemes and rotations are designed under the assumption that effort is greater than zombie level. Until Stern allows 7 defenders, there isn’t a defensive plan that would work given the effort the Cavs have put forth so far these playoffs.

The guy is going to lose his sweet job through no fault of his own. He’s not brilliant, but he’s not there to be brilliant for that entails getting in LeBron’s way. For reasons unknown, the necessary effort is not present. Without effort, coaching is irrelevant.

Supporting Cast?

I don’t have great reasons for not blaming the supporting cast. My expectations are low for this bunch. They feed off LeBron. Their job is to convert open shots on defenses desperately adjusting to the best player in the league. I could be getting cause-and-effect wrong, but I doubt it. If they were botching LeBron-created opportunities, I would quickly blame them. There are no opportunities to botch.

Cleveland?

This is my favorite possible culprit. Cleveland has a few jobs: buy everything for a lot of money(especially Quicken Loans), rock the Q, and believe in this lovable team. I’m assuming Cleveland sucks at buying things because it looks better for my argument if they’re bad at all three jobs.

Daily Dime Poll: Who will win Game 6, Boston or Cleveland?

Nation Results

Boston 66%

Cleveland 34%

Massachusetts Results

Boston 91%

Cleveland 9%

Ohio Results

Boston 38%

Cleveland 62%

How good is Cleveland at believing? Zero. At least 90% of Ohio should click the Cleveland button for this poll. Even if you’re worried, just click the button! This isn’t actually about what you think. The nation can see these results. Mo Williams can see these results. Mo’s sad. Show your support with that click of your mouse!

Boos started fairly early in the 3^rd quarter of Game 5. In Game 1, they waited for the Mo Dunk to get color back in their faces and get back into the game. In basketball, fans have to power to create energy and affect the game. Cleveland doesn’t do this on the biggest stages. It’s understandable, but not excusable. The city deserves to suffer their sports failures if they continue to be Negative Nancies. They can’t be upset about results unless they do their part. Hate and fear are not productive. Karma is real.

LeBron?

LeBron is 99% to blame. If he were playing the way we know him to play, the series would be over. That statement alone makes this all his fault.

So it’s ‘Bron’s fault. ¡¿Que pasa con LeBron?!

Start Spreadin’ the News…

LeBron is already mentally in New York. He’s checked out. If he knows he’s leaving, he can’t get emotionally up to the level necessary to succeed in the playoffs.

I don’t buy any part of this theory. This is not in LeBron’s best interest. He cares about his legacy. Bowing out like this is stupid. Even if he hated the city of Cleveland and every soul in it, he still wouldn’t do this.

Elbow

This is an injury unlike any other LeBron has played with and he doesn’t know how to adjust his game or routines. The injury sounds torturously mysterious. As an athlete, injuries are a bummer. Athletes learn to cope with injuries that make sense. I hurt X body part and it will take X weeks/months to heal after X treatment/surgery/rehab. Tell an athlete these things and they’re bummed but ultimately they can handle it. Tell an athlete you have no idea what’s wrong and what it will take to heal? That’s really not OK.

The elbow is an issue. LeBron improved his jumper to punish defenses like the Celtics’ from working consistently. Without confidence in his jumper, LeBron is a shell of an MVP. If it were the elbow alone, he would just revert to younger LeBron and barrel into the paint. This version of LeBron was solid enough to beat these Celtics. This explanation isn’t complete.

Lebron Needs a Hug

Weird to think about, right? A thought that is probably even more preposterous to LeBron than it is for us humans. I can’t help but remember when the Monstars stole Patrick Ewing’s talent. This led to many doctor’s visits including a trip to a therapist.

Imagine you’re LeBron James. You’re a supreme being from the start. Your talent, physical gifts, and intelligence set you up for unparalleled success at every point in your life/career. Your dick is 22 inches long. You’re the youngest and best to do everything. When you fail, it’s the fault of somebody else, or you get a pass because you’re young. Adversity doesn’t exist in your life.

Too old for that excuse. You have enough players around you. MJ won in his 7^th year. Most important free-agency in the history of the universe looming. The pressure is greater than ever. This alone is not a problem. You’re LeBron and you’re going to approach this like everything else: with confidence. Until you get this unpredictable, unfamiliar elbow injury, screwing up the whole LeBron approach.

I obviously don’t know how likely this is or how common it is in professional sports or what measures teams take to combat mental illness. I see a guy who looks out of sorts. He’s not himself. Isn’t it at least fathomable that the combination of intense pressure and an uncertain injury have wreaked havoc on the man’s mind? So many questions come to my mind. Am I the only person to suspect this? Does anybody approach him about it? Isn’t the stigma against depression about as great as possible if you’re LeBron freaking James? How likely is that guy to take medication or talk to a therapist?

Somebody give that guy a hug and a bro2bro!

Bronball Can’t Win?

I love LeBron. I love the way he operates. LeBron and his teams have an essence that I’ve never known in sports. I don’t know how much of this is calculated by LeBron or how much is simply an inevitable result of his personality. This doesn’t even matter to me. I love him equally either way.

I like to think of sports as a mirror of life. It’s corny but I truly believe it. Preparation, hard work, teamwork, competition, bad luck. Any idea that you must embrace in the field of sports, you encounter in life in some capacity.

If I were to live my life and treat those around me like a superstar basketball player of the past 30 years, I would choose LeBron in a landslide decision. LeBron’s conduct is most similar to that which leads to happiness.

MJ? Shaq? Kobe? Larry Bird? Magic Johnson? Tim Duncan? Charles Barkley? Allen Iverson? David Robinson? Steve Nash?

Has anyone won prolifically while treating their teammates the way we should all treat people in our lives? Does LeBron’s positive, happy, inclusive, light-hearted attitude only work in low pressure situations? Are his teams doomed to hit road blocks and fall apart?

I don’t want to believe this. I want to believe there is a chink in Bronball with this Cavs team. They aren’t doing enough loving somewhere in the chain. LeBron doesn’t have the wrong attitude. He needs to do even more of what he knows he should do.

Is it time to jump in the lake?

No. LeBron will dominate Game 6. I still believe in LeBron. Blowing a 3-2 lead at home is exactly how this Boston Celtics era will end.

If this doesn’t happen, my world will explode. I’ll be done with sports. I’m going to start reading news and voting.

Final notes

Ice Cube’s 30 for 30 doc is by far the worst of the series. Is anybody shocked by this?

Julia Louis-Dreyfus is looking good on Kimmel right now