Second Round Round Up

After one round of the playoffs, Buddies has a record of 5-3 in general series and got 3-5 exactly right (amount of games) which is pretty mediocre. I'm going to dish out two first round pick related awards:

Worst Missed Pick By Me: Cleveland in five

I know what you're thinking: "Gotta be Spurs in 7...no wait! You picked the Hornets in six?!?! That's gotta be it, they lost by 58!!"

Yes, those were horrible picks. No, they don't win this award.

I'm still of the opinion that the entire bottom half of the Western Conference Bracket is pointless. The two teams I wanted to see play the Lakers were playing each other so who even cares if I got those series HORRIBLY wrong.

The fact is, I watch the Cavs play basically every game, read every article by Brian Windhorst, I even look at his twitter page while watching games...and I picked the Pistons to win a game?? I don't know if I can ever forgive myself.

Worst Missed Pick That Wasn't My Fault: Orlando in five

The only pick that I blame the team I picked. I still believe that Philly was the worst team who made the playoffs, worse than Detroit. There is nothing threatening about the way they play, I don't even think they played that well in this series!! They got down by at least 15 in just about every game!! Orlando should be embarrassed they didn't sweep the 76ers and yet they're getting props for finishing them off with Marcin Gortat at Center. I thought you were supposed to be a title contender, Orlando...what happened? Add it to the reasons I'm done with the Magic.

Mini Mailbag

Frankenberry said...

This is not biased in any way towards the Cavs. You suck, this blog sucks, and I hate you. I hope you lose control and fall into the lava. DICK.

Yeah, it's pretty unbelievable that my ballot is biased towards the Cavs. It's not like they had the best record in the league or anything. Plus, I had LeBron third in DPotY and he got second in real life. Why don't you just leave me alone, whoever you are?

Anonymous said...

First of all, how did you get my picture, Kreepy Kev?

Second of all, your layout is super girly/60 year old man-y.

Third of all, I'm gonna tell my dad about this and I hope he comments about how dumb you are all the time.

This is clearly Gracie (yes, from the power rankings). I'm still waiting for your dad to comment. There's nothing I like more than people telling me how dumb I am.

Anonymous said...

I AM SO FAMOUS.

I should have those girls' jobs. All of them. Including Taco Bell Girl.

.....Gracie again.

Mags said...

Shouldn't sports analysts of any gender know twice as much as the average sports viewer? Are there male sports analysts who make similar errors?

I think your section, "for the ladies," should actually be titled "for the dudes who want to make fun of the ladies."

MORE GRACE BURTCH!!! MORE POWER RANKINGS!!

First of all, I corrected your spelling of "Burtch" for your own protection. You don't want to be on the fiery end of Gracie Burtch's vengeance.

Second, you are right about the fact that male announcers are often just as bad in their factual errors and slobbering over certain players and it is just as annoying, except for one thing:

When I see a female color commentator on an NBA game, I'm already dubious. Whether it's right or not, it is counter intuitive to see or hear any sort of female anything in the midst of the playoffs. Your hope is that this woman worked harder than most people to climb up to this position (I'm not really sure how prestigious a position color commentary is...) and will actually be much better than the normal guys, whose appeal is inflated because of the simple novelty of them being a former player for the fans. In principle, I have no problem with a woman being a color commentator in the NBA.

The problem is, Doris Burke is WORSE than all the other color commentary guys, even the crappy ones. This can only mean that ESPN hired her, not because she is overly charismatic or knows her stuff, but because they thought, "Let's hire a woman." This attitude is frustrating to ESPN viewers because their decisions are aimed to please the wrong people (NOT the fans). I can guarantee you that nobody watching every game of the playoffs is talking with their buddies and saying, "Ya know what? I think I want a female color commentator...ANY woman, I don't even care if she sucks." It's in the exact same way they're not thinking, "I wish we could have a color commentator who is about 6 foot 11 from Turkmenistan who never played in the NBA for absolutely no reason."

I actually don't even know why I wrote so much about this, it really doesn't matter that much. For the record, my favorite color commentator is Hubie Brown, by far. And yes, we all want more Gracie Burtch (and more power rankings).


Second Round Power Rankings

Did somebody say power rankings? From first to eighth, here's who I like in the second round:

1. Cleveland Cavaliers

In case you forgot during the past week, the Cavs are still in the playoffs.

There are some problems, yes, like Mo Williams hyperventilating his way through all the games, good or bad, none of our guards being able to stay in front of anyone quick, occasional horribly stagnant offense...etc. Still, they, excuse my language, swept the shit out of Detroit with all these problems, and it seems like LeBron is pretty determined to make none of the problems really matter in the end.

2. Los Angeles Lakers

Still the most talented team in the league, by far. I honestly don't know how they lose games. The problem (you know I'm going to say this) is Kobe Bryant. If he had the mindset of a distributor or, I don't know, a leader, this team is talented enough to never stop scoring and play good enough defense. But Kobe plays like a lone wolf. Even when he gets an assist, he points at them as if to say, "Way to make it possible for me to make a great play. You are useful to me," instead of, "Nice cut."

Being a lone wolf is never ideal, but you can get by sometimes if you're Michael Jordan and almost no one else in history. But that is the delusion that Kobe is working under. If you're making your pick in a series and thinking as if Kobe Bryant is going to win you a game or two against a great team in a seven game series, you are mistaken, but if you think Kobe's going to be a team player, you're probably also mistaken. This is why he hasn't won a title since Shaq left and really, why I hate him and why other people who hate him hate him.

3. Houston Rockets

If the Rockets could trade Von Wafer for Brandon Roy, this team would sweep their way to a title. Their fatal flaw in the playoffs is their lack of a guard who can "score at will (nobody can really score at will)" at the end of a game (that's right, Aaron Brooks doesn't count). They very often end up taking bad shots on offense, but seem to have cleaned that up A LITTLE BIT in the first round. The best thing about this team is of course their defense. They have more than one guy who you are actually afraid of on when you have the ball. Yao Ming and Luis Scola are a fantastic foreign tandem up front and Houston probably has the smartest person in the league in Shane Battier.

And did you see Yao Ming cracking up at all of Artest's jokes in the post season press conference?? He was dying!!! I just love that. It's always good to have Karma on your side when facing the Lakers...it's really your only chance (Denver is really the only team who wouldn't have it against L.A.).

4. Boston Celtics

That's right, they're still here.

I know you think that they almost lost to a 7 seed and that should probably count against them. Well I got news for you: The Bulls beat the Magic in 6 if they play in the first round, I'm sure of it. There are no traditional assassins on this Celtics team (people would argue for Ray Allen, I would not. I just don't think he can beat you for a whole series), but they really try hard. You really can't say that for every team. Tip the cap.

5. Orlando Magic

I don't really like these guys at all, obviously. I still feel like nobody wants to play these guys, just because when threes go up, it's always stressful for the half second the ball is in the air when you're hoping it doesn't go in. When you play the Magic, your whole series as a fan is holding your breath for a bunch of half seconds as they throw 6 foot 10 guys at you who put up a million threes a game. Not Enjoyable.

6. Denver Nuggets

Denver is a very talented team but I still have absolutely no respect for how they play and I won't be fooled by them running up the score against a team who gave up in the first round. The Nuggs look like a front running team who can swallow you up with threes if you let them but will fold of you make them. Even after that blow out of New Orleans, I think a solid team would sweep them in a 7 game series.

7. Dallas Mavericks

I think I said that they were the second worst team in the playoffs at the beginning and I was way off. Dirk is capable of coming up huge and winning series' (it's actually true, remember game 7 AT San Antonio? In fact, him and Kobe have similar playoff resumes and Dirk is known as a choker and Kobe as the Ultimate Closer), but they just can't finish. I've really had enough of the Mavericks.

8. Atlanta Hawks

...BY FAR.

You know how I hate on the Nuggets for being stupid and front running? Well the Hawks are like that...only not as good and they don't have Chauncey Billups and they DO have Josh Smith so they're even dumber. Notice that everyone is playing someone close to their level except for the Cavs, who are the best and playing the worst. This is why the regular season matters folks.